Good rules for dating.

The Bible can be pretty silent on principles of dating as such. Some believe it points exclusively towards a kind of physically ascetic courtship. Others think that biblical principles of marriage can steer us in the right direction for what dating should be, what kinds of demands people can make on each other in such relationships, etc.

But let's be honest, we bring a lot of cultural sentiments to the floor when we date people. For example, some of the ideas I will be discussing shortly come from the character Rob Fleming in High Fidelity, a book by Nick Hornby and a movie starring John Cusack in the lead role (with the last name being changed to Gordon to sound less, well, bobbyish). I don't think that this is a bad thing, since we're all individuals with different preferences and attitudes. I'm not suggesting the following advice is authoritative or anything, but it is something that, as I apply it more often, has only helped me in my search for, well, whate'er.

I don't believe in dating people for who they might become. I believe in dating people who they are.

This is a common sentiment, which has inspired the following thoughts which might not be so universal as the previous statement.

I don't believe in dating people for what they're music library might contain in the future. I believe in dating people for the music library they have right now. If I am hanging out a girl and she starts playing some music, I am hoping that it will be a little more intellectually and emotionally involved than Kelly Clarkson or something like that. If I hear a couple of Nickelback songs (a band I consider guilty of international terrorism, being that they are Canadian), I'm going to lose it, unless the girl keeps that stuff around to remind her how far she's come in her music collection.

If I'm scrolling through some girl's music library, I am going to hope to see lots of Radiohead, Wilco, Sufjan, The Clash, and Johnny Cash. Additionally, albums from the Arcade Fire, the Shins, Margot & the Nuclear So and Sos, Pedro the Lion, Of Montreal, the Hold Steady, Simon & Garfunkel, etc. The list goes on. A few bands will get a girl instant mega-respect, since they are relatively unknown compared to previous heavyweights, like Twothirtyeight. And if she doesn't have any Bob Dylan, that is going to be a serious relationship (possibly even friendship) issue.

Futhermore, I don't believe in dating people for what their bookshelves look like now. I believe in dating people for their present bookshelves. I'm not such a stickler on this one, since historians don't have the literary street cred of an English major. For example, most people can recognize War and Peace or something like that, but I'm pretty sure most won't identify with my woes of reading Return for Diversity or growing enjoyment in my current read, E.L. Doctorow's The Book of Daniel. People might see my Kafka collection at get a little disturbed.

So I'm not such a tough guy on that. It would be nice to see a few books saved from world literature courses and a few other books read during a lazy summer on a porch. Again there are some power-hitters in this category, and were I to find a Flannery O'Conner collection with the pages greased from someone's thumb, with sentences underlined and favorite passages bracketed . . . I mean, be still, my freaking heart.

Finally, and this is harder to account for, films are important. I can even tolerate chick-flicks in this category, although they are definitely not artistic. But there's something to be said for the cheap emotional ride, especially if the girl is decent enough to admit it. But I'd like to hear that she's watched some good films in her time, like Magnolia, or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Star Wars is absolutely non-negotiable. If she hasn't seen it, she certainly won't be seeing much more of me until she fixes that problem.

I advocate a holistic approach to using this principle. For example, a music devotee might not have an extensive book collection, but if she's got a nice film collection or movie ticket stubs scattered around, that's a good indication that she's probably on the right track. Similarly, her music collection might need some attention, but that's because she can't really listen to music when she's picking books from a shelf sagging under the weight of much fine literature.

I suppose you could relate it to this quote from Rob Gordon, in High Fidelity. "Books, records, films -- these things matter. Call me shallow, but it's the damn truth."

You'd think that I was all about dating some kind of liberal arts girl who would be down with all this stuff, which is potentially true, but it's often said that you should date outside your discipline. This seems bizarre to me, but I have heard it from plenty of otherwise legitimate sources, so I probably should regard it as sound.

But as far as I'm concerned, good taste in music, literature, and film is not limited to the people wearing thrift store shirts, smoking cigarettes outside, whining about how they can no longer smoke cigarettes inside, with overflowing messenger bags. Good taste should not be a liberal arts distinctive.

Although I think I have an idea as to why it happens that way. Liberal arts guys and girls are just not going to date business or CoSaM girls or guys who don't listen to good music, watch good films, or read good books. These are the kind of people that write bad poetry that gives off the vibe of thinking that it's actually good poetry. These are the kind of people, when, if religious, still listen to shoddy Christian (non-Sufjan, non-Pedro) music, or think that Jesus is there to be your buddy-buddy.

Couple that with the "date outside your discipline, because it doesn't work inside your discipline" principle, and you see why CoLA kids have such good taste. We've got to have it, because like Goethe's young Werther, our sorrows of unsatisfaction abound. Follow? Maybe?

Then maybe I should abandon this principle. Maybe that self-evident problem is enough reason to abandon such a strict concept.

Maybe I should just get some coffee.